Great Teacher Onizuka: Great Students Ed
by damaddok
Summary: Great Teacher Onizuka had fled Japan to avoid being framed for murder. He finds himself still trying to achieve his dream of being a great teacher in America, where he'll have to deal with Peach Creek's 3 nightmares: The Eds.
1. New School Year

Again, this is spur-of-the-moment that came to me after watching some "Great Teacher Onizuka" for the first time

**Again, this is spur-of-the-moment that came to me after watching some "Great Teacher Onizuka" for the first time. It is at the end of the series when Onizuka can be found in a nameless California Junior High. Well, let's say that nameless school is Peach Creek Junior High. This begins a little before that. With some positive reviews, I'll try to continue this to the end. I obviously don't own any of what I'm about to write except maybe an OC or to for some laughs.**

G.S.O Great Students Ed

Note: This is how I'll write

Text

"Speech"

(_Foreign Translation)_

_Thought_

Chapter 1: School Begins

"Hurry up will ya?!" yelled Eddy, his frustration mounting. "We got only one day left 'till school starts, and I want to get in as much fun as I can."

"Sorry Eddy, but things would move faster if you actually helped construct this device, after all I'm the designer, I'm the one who should be giving orders so it doesn't go wrong!" replied Edd, his smarter, and more careful companion. "Besides, haven't we tried this idea before? I recall the 'jawbreaker detection satellite' turning into a complete fiasco."

"That was Ed's fault!" retorted Eddy, pointing to the tallest, and dumbest of the three. Ed was currently lifting a large, what might have been an engine into a large stove like compartment. At the mention of his name, Ed dropped the engine and waved. "This time it'll be different! The Jawbreaker Finder Mk. II will make history!! Back to it!"

The three were in the junkyard, thus keeping them close to their source of materials, Edd had designed a new version of the Jawbreaker satellite as a pass-time and Eddy snatched up the plan as serious, setting out immediately to begin construction. Ed of course, had enough strength for an entire construction crew, and unfortunately, the brain of two ants.

"Aye Aye Captain Skipper Commodore!" replied Ed happily, having no idea what he was saying.

"But I told you, I need to test the fuel solution we're using before actually using it to ensure nothing dangerous happ-"

"Details details, we'll handle them when this baby is in orbit." Eddy dismissed.

"Say, you smell something burning?"

"No I-ED! HOW DID YOU CATCH THAT ON FIRE?" Ed was standing near the would-be collection of metal that was their satellite. That, defying all logic was on fire. Ed was standing nearby, mesmerized by the flames, but snapped back to reality at the sound of Edd's demanding voice. "Ooops, uh…it wasn't me!"

Eddy was stomping towards the taller, dumber Ed, teeth grinding together. "Ed, do you WANT me to pound your skull in? Maybe it'll kick start that little raisin you call your brain! Edd! Can we fix… Edd?" Edd had ran back about twenty feet, hiding behind a pile of reinforced junk that the kids remolded to be the testing bunker. Eddy only had time to utter "I hate you Ed." The satellite fuselage exploded, sending a burning pile of scrap into the air.

(Meanwhile)

Junpei Mckenzie was glad that his cousin in Japan recommended Cresta to him. It was absolute bliss. What did it for him though? Was it the efficiency, the rumbling engine, but it was simply intoxicating to be in this car. Yes, with his white Cresta, he could tackle the new school year with a smile, no matter what that troublesome delinquent Eddy pulled on him. It was painful to leave his Cresta be, but he couldn't sleep in it. He quickly locked it and stepped back to admire his new car. Then he turned around and walked up his driveway. Junpei was about to open the door when he heard a whooshing noise. He turned to see a burning ball of something heading straight for…HIS CRESTA!

He didn't have enough time to scream, or even move before ht burning wreck that was once the Jawbreaker Finder Mk. II plowed into his Cresta, causing the ground to shake. The following explosion shook Junpei out of his stunned shock. The scream could be heard all the way in Junkyard.

(Back at the Junkyard)

"Sounds like the satellite landed on something in Mr. Mckenzie's property." Eddy remarked nonchalantly. After the fiasco the Ed's had retired to their usual Junkyard spot, the tricked out van. Eddy was sulking while steering the wheel while Edd sat stiffly in the seat next to him. Ed was nowhere to be found.

"How can you be so passive about it? Mr. Mckenzie is human as well you know."

"But it only takes one thing for me to hate people, and he has quite a few."

"And they are?  
"1: He's a teacher. 2:He teaches me. 3:He teaches me CHEMISTRY! 4:HE'S A FRIGGIN TEACHER!"

"Wow, if you hate Mr. Mckenzie for that, I wonder how you'll react to our homeroom teacher. I hear the board recently hired him and he'll be teaching us Ancient Eastern History."

"I'll just prank him till he leaves like everyone else who takes that cla-HEY! Don't change the subject! How are we supposed to do anything with you messing everything up!"

"How did I cause the rocket to explode?"

"You put that explosive stuff in it!"

"It wasn't my fault Ed set it on fire, and you were the one who wanted to use it before I tested it! By the way, where's Ed?"

"I buried him to his head in garbage as punishment. He seems to be enjoying it though."

(Somewhere else in the junkyard)

"I am the Brain Eating Worm for Kaulyon V! YOU CAN HIDE BUT YOU CANNOT RUN! HIDE THE CHILDREN BEFORE I MAKE A FEAST OF YOUR SPINAL FLUIDS!" cried Ed happily, his head poking out of a mountain of junk. A seagull landed next to him, and eyed Ed, before Ed engulfed the bird in his maw, and spat it out like a cannon at some target he imagined. "Another feels the aviary sting of the Worm!"

(Back to the other two)

"You really should let him out before the end of the day."

"Not till he's sorry for messing up my plans."

"Well its getting late, I think I'd best prepare for tomorrow. I don't want to be late for the first day of school."

Eddy's eyes glinted menacingly and he suppressed a grin. "No you would not. See ya Sockhhead."

Little to Edd's knowledge, as a final prank (Actually it started off as more of an accident) Ed had demolished Edd's alarm, and Eddy had painstakingly repaired the outside frame so it looked like nothing was wrong. That would show that brainy know-it-all.

(Edd's room the next morning)

Edd blinked back weariness in his eyes at the sound of something. His mind was to boggled by sleep to realize or discern what the sound was supposed to be. He got out of bed, and remade it to perfection, slipped out of his pajamas, and was about to go shower when something in the back of his brain finished booting and he realized what that sound was. It was the honking of a school bus. That was peculiar, it was only 6 when he got up, and now it is…6? His mind worked it out in a second what had transpired. "EEEEEEEDDDDDDDYYYYYY!"

(Outside Edd's house)

"Sounds like Sockhead found our little surprise." Eddy smirked. He was sitting next to Ed, right adjacent to the driver, and the bus driver, being as impatient as he was finally gave up after the fifth honk and prepared to drive off.

(Back in Edd's house...again)

"Of all the hair-brained, low-browed, cheats you've done, this one takes the cake mister, when I reach you I'll-" Edd was frantically getting himself prepared, his trademark hat barley covering his head, his shirt on backwards, one shoe in his mouth as he frantically tried to put the other one on. He scrambled out the door just in time to see the bus drive away. Edd fuming started trudging down the sidewalk to Peach Creek Junior High. He was still angry when he heard the sound of a motorcycle behind him. He turned and saw a man in his early twenties, a bit punkish, that reminded him of Eddy, wearing a blue t-shirt with cursive kanji splattered on it, and white jeans. His helmet had two more kanji written on it saying (_justice_) and a half-burned cigarette hanging in the side of his mouth. He was looking at Edd through half drooped eyelids. "Oi, kid, you going to school? You'd better hurry or you'll be late."

"I would already be on the bus good sir if certain events hadn't transpired to wake me up late. I need to go, the more I'm tardy the bigger the blemish on my perfect reco-"

"I can drive you there." The man said. "I just got hired at 'Deach Meek Junior High'?" he said, clearly forgetting the name of the school.

"It's Peach Creek and no thanks, I'm not supposed to accept rides from strangers."

"Eikichi."

"What?"

"My name is Eikichi Onizuka. Now you know me, we're not strangers anymore." Eikichi said, his face scrunching up a bit.

"Okay then Mr. Onizuka, what are your proposing."

"Proposing? Propose nothing, I'm just helping you get to school on time. (_it's called helping out, haven't you Americans heard of it?_)" the last part Edd couldn't understand as his Japanese was limited.

"Well if it isn't too much trouble." He said warily.

"(_Okay!_)" yelled Onizuka, grabbing the teen by the waist and hoisting him to the back of his bike. "Lets' go!" and he sped down the road, well over the speed limit, with Edd screaming and clinging for dear life the motorcycle. (Now would be a good time to play G.T.O's 1st season opening song in the background if you have it.)

(At Deach Meek Junior High- I mean Peach Creak Junior High)

The bus had just arrived at Peach Creek Junior High, and was delivering its payload of unhappy, dismal students. Eddy was still grinning as he hopped out and trudged up to the school doors. _There's no way Sockhead'll get to school in time now. Hey, it should loosen him up a little when he sees it's no big deal and all being late._ His thoughts then strayed away to money and jawbreakers as he opened the doors to see Junpei Mckenzie scowling at him. "Eddy, I don't know how you did it, but I know you did it. As soon as I find any evidence, I'm having you carted out of this school you hear me? Luckily my Cresta warranty covered burning wreck falling out of the sky for some reason, but I'd better not see you even go near it! You understand me? I-"

The sound of a motorcycle permeated the air, and around the corner came what looked like a flash of color sipping down the road. The flash screeched as it applied the brakes to whatever it was, kicking up a good cloud of dust. When it all settled, There was a bike with a man in his early twenties, a half-burned cigarette in his mouth, and a boy still clinging to the back, the straps on his backpack, close to snapping from the pressure placed on them. When the dust cleared even more, it revealed a dust colored Cresta, the glass cracking suddenly like the presence of the newcomer harmed it. The aforementioned boy on the back was none other than Edd.

(Homeroom)

"It was a joke Sockhead, and you know it."

"That was a new low, even for you Eddy. You could have marred my perfect record, and for what? A cheap laugh. Shows how much you value our friendship."

"Come on, you know it was funny, besides, I was just trying to loosen you up for the new year, you know less stress so you can find more time to play and scam." Eddy replied, the businessman in him taking over.

"Really?"

"Yes really, no one should start the year wound up tight."

"Well I appreciate the concern but don't do it again Eddy." Edd said, his demeanor softened a fraction. "Why is our homeroom teacher late. That isn't proper behavior to convey upon the students."

"Speaking of students, looks like the gang's all here." Edyy replied, pointing behind him. There was Nazz chatting happily with Sarah and Jimmy, Johnny and Plank in their corner counting…nuts. Rolf being Rolf, The Kanker Sisters gossiping/plotting in their little circle, and Kevin, sitting in the middle of the whole class, looking bored. "A regular odd bunch aren't we?" Ed spouted randomly, reminding the other Eds of his presence.

"I suppose."

Everyone in homeroom was so busy talking they didn't realize the adult that stepped in and wrote in big across the chalkboard: G.T.O. Almost comically as one, the class turned and saw the chalkboard first, and as one they said "G.T.O?"

"Yes!" said the man in front. The man who had blonde, short hair, a blue T-shirt with Kanji splattered on it, and white jeans. "I am Great Teacher Onizuka! (_22 years old_)" Onizuka then slammed his hands on his desk, eyeing the class, his face scrunched as if gauging them for their worth. (_Nice to meet you!_)

**Once again this is spur of the moment. Don't expect an update soon. I'll need to figure out some good pranks Eddy will try to play on Onizuka, after all, he hates all teachers.**


	2. Lesson 2

**I know, I haven't touched this in like...ever. But I came across it, and decided to try and update it. Unless something grabs away my attention again. Any way, like I said, try and watch the GTO opening on youtube before reading to get the right feeling.**

**As always for this one**

"Speech."

_Thought_

_"translated speech"_

Lesson 2: A Bad student Ed

"_First day, and already I'm bogged down by work.__"._ Onizuka groaned in his native tongue. He was sitting in the teacher's lounge, readying papers for his next class, working lazily as he wallowed in a pit of self pity. _And what is with these students? No girls wearing short skirts, no revealing clothes. And the boys are just as bad! Ugh...maybe I should have gone to Hawaii. It would have been closer…_" It was at this time he was drooling out the side of his mouth, fantasizing about sun tanning girls when another teacher came up to him. "You're the new guy yeah?" he asked

He looked up and saw a tall man in a dull brown suit, a crest of brown hair covering his head, and beard stubble drooping from the beginning of a double chin. "Yeah. I am." He grinned. The man smiled a toothy grin and took a seat next to him. "Well welcome to Peach Creek High/Jr. High/Elementary.", he held out his hand. "I'm Mr. Blatteus, Geography teacher."

Onizuka took his hand and shook. "Onizuka, Eastern History. But I though this was only Leek Beach Junior High."

"Nah, nah, after a certain incident I won't go into, the Elementary school was merged with the Jr. High and eventually the Jr. High school met with a similar fate as the elementary school, and so Peach Creek High was outfitted to hold students from all three schools."

"Wow. _It would certainly explain why I see such a mix of students here._" Onizuka pondered. Blatteus took a long swig from a mug he held and sighed. "Well, that's the least of your problems. You gotta worry about your class."

"Why?"

"'Cause you have…them. Those kids from the Nuts-de-Sac as we call em." Blatteus shuddered. "Normally we wouldn't even consider putting them all in the same classroom, but ever since the move to the High school, we've had no choice."

Onizuka raised an eyebrow. "What's so bad about these kids? They drive teachers into retirement or something?"

Blatteus laughed hard. "If that was all, I wouldn't be on all these painkillers. No. Over the past year, they have sent three teachers off to the 'Peach Creek Sanitarium for People with Serious Mental Problems'. Two have been deemed 'incurable' and are permanent residents. One of them was a close friend. He makes model boats out of popsicle sticks now, when he's not trying to drown himself in the toilet." He took another impossibly long swig from his mug. "And those teachers didn't really have to deal with all of them in one go. YOU however have them all in a single classroom and you have to deal with them for two periods. I feel sorry for you."

"Meh, I've dealt with that kind of thing before back in Japa-well I dealt with it before." Just as he finished his sentence, a scream that sounded like a jet filled the room. In a brief flash, a bathtub with a giant rocket like gizmo on the bottom propelled it forward at breakneck speed. In that brief moment Onizuka caught a close glimpse at three boys, one he noticed being Edd, and the other two were unfamiliar to him. It looked as though Edd was clinging for dear life to the back to the back of the tub while the other two were screaming in bowel clenching terror. Blatteus didn't even blink. "And those were the Eds, just part of the greater 'Nuts-de-Sac'. That is what you will face for the next 9 months and more. You see what I mean now?" He turned to see that Onizuka wasn't sitting next to him but was gathering his papers together and leaving. As he exited the lounge, Blatteus grinned and took a sip from his impossibly deep mug. _Interesting guy. Hope he can last longer than the others._

Just outside the lounge Onizuka was walking stoically on to class then, just as he was out of ear shot, he flung himself to the ground pulling his hair. _I thought I left this crap behind in Japan!_"he shouted furiously. He didn't care that he was standing right in the middle of a hallway crammed with students going to there next class, and he began banging his head on a locker in frustration, the students giving him a wide berth. One however, moved up to him.

"You mind not bangin' on my locker buddy?" asked a high schooler, a burly jock that fit the stereotypical description. Bulky, sporting a high school jersey, which barely covered his muscles. And a face that suggested limited intelligence. Onizuka ignored him and continued his tantrum. "Hey I'm talkin to you punk!" the jock snapped, and made a lunge for Onizuka, who deftly dodged it, pretending to not even notice him. The jock spun around. "You ass! Get over here!" and he threw a punch at Onizuka.

Like lighting he caught the jock's fist. His face contorted with rage, he turned to the surprised jock. "What's wrong with you?! _I'm trying to feel bad here! You're ruining my concentration!_" and he put the jock into a neck hold, dragged him to the girl's locker room, and threw him in. After a chorus of screams later, the jock ran out, girls screaming at him and pelting him with rocks (Where'd you get those rocks from anyway?!" yelled the jock before covering his head). Onizuka walked on to class, his head hung low. "_I did something bad in my past life. That must be it. Why else would my path to Ultimate teacher be so full of holes?_" he muttered to himself. He slouched low and trudged on to his classroom. He didn't even notice two boys staring at him as he slowly marched towards his class.

"What's a clown doing on campus?" one student asked sporting a thick grey jacket, with zippered pockets lining nearly every inch, and green camo pants.

"That's the new teacher Onizuka. Don't you have him for next period Skip?"

"Hey yeah." a smile crept on Skip's features. "This'll be sweet." As he lowered the glasses to the tip of his nose, getting a better look at Onizuka.

……

"Brilliant Eddy just brilliant."Edd grumbled as he was able to breathe again. The tub, or as Eddy simply called it 'The Skimmer', had finally died. Right in the wall of the school cafeteria.

"Oh just because I thought the Skimmer was ready and ignored you saying it was still unstable it is my fault?" Eddy retorted. "Man, If that thing worked we could've been able to fly to the candy store and be back to school in time for next period."

"Well now we have no jawbreakers and we're going to be late for next period, and though you may not care about it, I have a re-"

"'A record to uphold.' Yeah, you gave that speech a jafillion times. Come on if we go now we'll just make it." Eddy growled, pulling a giggling Ed along. "I think I had a concussion Eddy." He said cheerfully.

Edd stood for a moment surprised. "Am I really that predictable? Wait, Eddy? You actually want to go to class?! Have you hit your head that hard?" he exclaimed as he hurried to catch up with his two friends.

Eddy looked at him like he was offended. "You forget already? Our next teacher is Onizuka, or as I'm calling him New-Meatika.", he grinned wolfishly.

"That isn't very catchy." Edd said.

"It doesn't matter." huffed Eddy. "He's gonna learn what it's like to teach me." he marched on and wouldn't say another word. His expression actually would have made him look terrifying were it not for him dragging Ed along.

……

"Welcome to Asian Social Studies class!" Onizuka boomed proudly, sporting his hands on his hips as he laughed. "For the next hour you will be learning about the great histories of nations older than America three times over, and so on and so on, and…uh, some other stuff I can't remember." He waved his hand in the air dismissively. "Uh…hmmm. That was shorter than I thought." Onizuka seemed to be deep in thought, and many of the students looked at each other in confusion.

"ANYWAY!" he declared causing everyone to jump in their seat. "Roll call! Ah-wait. This is the same as my homeroom class." He peeked past the attendance sheet to his classroom. "Ah it looks like your all here. Okay then, rules. No kicking, no biting, no punching, no projectiles of any sort. Talking only when I say you can and…that's it I suppose uh." He looked at the clock. "Gah…I was hoping that would take longer. I didn't have anything planned for today." He scratched his head, trying to decide what to do next. In the back of the class, Kevin was shaking his head. Rolf noticed his friends gesture. "Kevin. You think new-teacher-from-land-more foreign-than-Rolf's is going to receiving the scorching of the fires?"

"Yep. This one doesn't stand a chance. Dorky's probably already got something planned. Mr. O's gonna get burned like no tomorrow." He eyed Eddy, who was smirking as Onizuka quaffed down his mug. He gave a contented sigh as he went deep into thought.

"Mr. Onizuka sir, perhaps we can get started early on our lessons? I believe out syllabus states were are going to go over the rise of the Shang dynasty?" Edd asked. Onizuka gave him a long stare.

Onizuka looked at Edd gratefully. "Okay." Onizuka stated cheerfully. Edd groaned. _How did his guy become a teacher anyway?_ He thought. "You have your textbooks, so if you'll turn to page…" he stopped and gripped his stomach. "Turn to page…_Ooh I know that feeling!_" was all Onizuka could manage before storming out the door. Edd turned to Eddy. "Really now. Laxatives? You said you were going to teach him a lesson and you give him laxatives? That's bad enough, but still Eddy, I expected worse from you!" he scowled. Then he caught himself "What am I saying?"

Eddy smirked. "Oh that was only part on of a two-parter." He replied and snapped his fingers. At this Ed pulled out his surprisingly stiffed back pack and opened it. Rolls of toilet paper spilled out. "Every men's room on campus has no paper, not even ones restricted to faculty." He smiled as Ed began fumbling with the rolls that spilled all over the classroom. "So when Onizuka finds out he will face a tough decision. Use a girl's room and be labeled a perv, or use whatever is at 'hand'." He said with finality, emphasizing the word hand, even holding his palm up in front of Edd's face.

Edd recoiled slightly. "I stand corrected. You really can be evil Eddy. You really can." He muttered, just enough so Eddy could hear him over the snickers and laughter of the class. One student got out of his seat and moved for the door. Edd didn't know his name, but he recognized the grey jacket with multiple zipper pockets, the green camo pants, and the slightly drooped glasses. The student walked out holding a camera in his hand. _What was he up to?_

……

"_Empty. All empty."_ Onizuka said, his face pale with pain as his gut screamed for release. Every bathroom had its roll removed, as if some cruel prankster knew this was going to happen. He looked about for anything to use as an alternative. All that he saw was his left hand. His gut growled again. Any minute now, and he would go, toilet or no. He groaned piteously as he ran into a stall.

Just as the stall door closed, the bathroom entrance opened. In came Skip, camera in one hand, M-80 in the other. He entered the stall next to Onizuka, lit the explosive and flushed it down the toilet. As it entered the sewage line, Skip exited the stall, and with a swift kick, forced open Onizuka's stall. Right as he was in the middle of wiping. "Smile." He said to a stunned Onizuka as the M-80 went off.

Torrents of water erupted from the toilets and sinks. Onizuka was thrown off, pants down and flailing his soiled hand as he went sailing towards Skip, who calmly took one snapshot of him before stepping out of the way. As Onizuka slammed into the bathroom wall, Skip took a look at the picture he took. "Perfect pose by the way. With this I can easily say you were trying to assault my delicate person. You and you disturbing fetishes." Skip said maliciously. "Oh how the school board will react when they see this. You'll lose your license to teach for sure. Maybe even be deported." he continued with a smirk. He walked over the recovering form of Onizuka and stopped at the door. "However, if say…some money, say 100,000 were slipped into my pocket, the memory would simply have, erased itself when I 'dropped' it, and this will all be some big misunderstanding. I'll let you figure that one out…'teacher'. Nine o' clock tonight. Bleachers. Cash. Until then Mr. Onizuka…" And he stepped out of the bathroom.

Onizuka slowly pulled his pants up, washed his hand, and pulled a soggy cigarette out, trying to light it but failing. "_Geez. I thought I left this kinda crap in Japan."_ was all he said. Then his gut called again, and he rushe back ino the stall.


	3. Lesson 3

Lesson 3: A Not so Bad Student Ed

Edd got off the bus with a sigh. Such a busy day. The homework itself wasn't a problem, he knew more than half the material already, and it was Eddy. This year he seemed more…scheming than usual. It wasn't like him. What disturbed him even more was how he was able to predict how bad Eddy could get, and it frightened him. Edd pushed the thoughts out of his head and walked up to the front door. As usual, his parents were unable to return home till much later and left the deadbolt off so he could get in. And as usual, they left his dinner in its semi-warm state in the oven. Edd gagged when he smelled it. Whatever it was, he dumped it down the garbage disposal and prepared something else for himself as he always did. The left over sweetbread from that cultural center he had visited during the weekend was quite filling, and as soon as he finished got started on his homework, finishing it at exactly seven as he always did during the week. With three hours to spare before he had to go to bed, he went upstairs to see how his friends were doing. Friends, Ed was somewhat like a friend but Eddy was getting very distant, and was becoming more difficult to get along with. His thought was interrupted when he heard a tapping on his window. _A prowler?_

Edd crept slowly to his living room window and he heard the tapping again like pebbles hitting the glass. He creped up and gently lifted the curtain just to peek. He saw Onizuka chucking pebbles at his window, and was about ready to hurl a brick when Edd threw open the curtain. "Mr. Onizuka, what in blazes are you doing?!" he hissed as loudly as he could whisper.

Onizuka was out of his formal clothes, and was wearing white pants with a matching jacket, the sleeves too long for his arms. Underneath he had a simple white undershirt. Small flakes of ash from his cigarette clung to his clothes here and there.

"Hey Ben!" he called out cheerfully.

"It's Edd."

"That's what I said. I need a little help. I got blackmailed by a student, so I gotta bring some money over tonight. And I need your help." Onizuka said nonchalantly, taking a long drag from his cigarette.

"Blackmailed?! Help?!" Edd blurted out, shocked. "But what can I do?! I certainly can't pay it. Why do you need me?"

"Cause I don't know anyone else well enough to be talkin' to them. Now are you gonna help or not?"

Edd shifted uneasily, looking away from Onizuka. "Well, I'm not very sure I can…"

"_(What?! Why?!)_ I helped you to school yesterday, it's the least you can do! Come on dammit! I'm dying here!" he pleaded, a pitiful droop on his face.

"Okay okay, if you'll just be quiet." Edd hushed, putting a finger to his lips for effect. "But like I said, I don't know how I can help."

"Oh that's easy!" Onizuka smiled. He reached down and iped open a dufflebag that wass next to his feet. Pulling out a suit that matched his except in came with a massive red bandanna to cover the mouth, he held it up with a wide smile on his face. "Just put this on and I'll tell ya what to do…"

……

"_(Why do you have to be like that!? I'm trying to study dammit and then this happens!)"_

_"(Calm down, it's your father! He's too old for this sort of work anymore, why do you think he's hospitalized?!)"_

_"(Don't tell me to calm down you arrogant bitch! I'm the one suffering through all this while you enjoy a nice little sheltered life!)"  
"(That was uncalled for! How can you say that?! Why do you think you are in school anyway? Huh? Your father pays for everything! He has to take two jobs to support you, and all you ever do is whine and moan!)"_

_"(Don't talk that way to your brother you little rat! You should be grateful he even decided to break from his studies to see his father!)"_

They thought he couldn't understand them but he did. He always wanted to know what they were saying and strove to learn both Chinese and Japanese. It was tough, but by Junior High, he knew enough of both languages and more. And Skip regretted ever knowing it. His grandfather had another stroke yesterday, and it was a real touch-and-go situation. Worried, he and his mother went to see how he was doing. Unfortunately Jiu Jiu and Po Po were there as well. He was still not sure why they always wanted to be referred by their Chinese position and not Japanese. Maybe it was to make Gung Gung happy. Especially now with him hospitalized. At first it was an uncomfortable conversation. How he was doing now, was he stable, the usual things. But then his uncle had to open his big fat mouth. The selfish pig. They all told him that's just how Japanese are when talking to each other. They just said things loudly. But he knew better, he knew the fighting and the arguments.

Skip's father came and picked him up while his mother continued bickering with her relatives. His father was no better. Always talking to his relatives in German, Skip tried to learn it as well so as to keep up. It came as another blow when he learned what they were talking about most of the time. He sighed as his father continued to argue with one of his brothers over the phone.

_"(I couldn't care less you asshole! The contract is already signed. I am deeded to 2__nd__ street, you still get 4__th__! Well maybe if you spent more renovating instead of trying to dig up dirt on me, maybe it would be just as good as 2nd. Well that's your problem Otto, not mine, so stop dragging me into this crap! Our parents have mad up their minds and noting you do will sway them.)"_

Skip sighed as he stared out the window. He checked his watch. 8:30. Another half hour and he would be way from it all.

……

_I figured he wouldn't come. _Skip thought. Excusing himself for a walk, he left for Peach Creek /Elementary bleachers. Maybe he demanded too much. Maybe he just wussed out. Well. If all fails, just try again. Maybe that one annoying teacher, the one that got a new Cresta. What was his name again?

That noise was grating at his nerves. When he turned his attention away from other potential targets, he realized that was the sound of a motorcycle. Several. At least three. He turned and saw several motorcycles tearing up the field the custodian so lovingly tended to every day. They circled him for about a minute until one drove up towards him. It was difficult with the light shining directly into his face, but he could vaguely make out the blonde hair and the outline of a man. "Well what do we have here?" he heard the man say.

"Who the hell are you?" Skip replied, trying to keep up a strong front. "Quite a reception. This some prank by the seniors?"

"He's a nice one. Can we rip him up now boss?" said a somewhat lanky looking biker, sitting upright in a dinky looking motorbike, his clothes hanging loosely, and a large red cloth covering his face.

"Come here kid. I'm taking you for a ride…" the leader growled as he lunged at Skip and grabbed him by the collar. Skip was too shocked to even react as he was tied to the end of a bike and was dragged off, the small gang tailing not too far behind.

Onizuka appeared from behind the bleachers, alongside Edd. "Dammit, too late."

……

Fisherman's Wharf can get quiet real fast after eight. But tonight it was filled with the laughter of men and the revving of motorcycles. The leader, known as Silder, was feeling real good about himself. He was asserting his authority, something he loved to do, and when that brat decided to give him some lip, he made sure the kid would regret every moment of it. With a signal, a crane lifted out of the dank water. Out came Skip, gasping for air, covered in rank seaweed, saltwater dripping off his clothes, and tied tightly to the cable. "Ready to say sorry kid?" Skip was silent. "You even listening to me?" and Silder slugged Skip in the stomach, knocking the air out of him.

"You bastard." He chocked, before receiving another fist to the face.

"All you had to do was say your sorry and lick my boots clean. That was all." Silder said, eying his mud-caked boots. "But I guess I still haven't reached you.". He gestured to have the cable drop. Nothing happened. He gestured a little more hastily but no response. "What the hell's wrong with you idiots?! I'm telling you to...who the hell are you?!" Silder exclaimed seeing a tall blonde man dropping the unconscious crane operator. "Huh?" the man said, he then quickly re-asserted himself and struck a pose.

"Hailing all the way from Ja-er… A land far away! I am Onizuka! 22 years old, and aiming to be the best teacher in the world! Nice to meet you!" he sneered, pursing his lips together. Skip looked up and saw his teacher, wearing ony a pair of white pants, striking a ridiculous pose. _What the hell is he doing here?_

"Finally you showed up. Hurry up, this maniac's gonna drown me!" Skip yelled.

"What? Who're you supposed to be?" Onizuka asked, a look of confusion written across his face.

"What the hell are you talking about?! You're my teacher! Get me off this thing you idiot!" Skip yelled, hysterical that Onizuka could act that way in such a serious situation.

"Mmm, nope, can't recall having you as a student." Onizuka said, idly shaking his head, digging a pinky into his ear and curling his upper lip to give him a nonchalant appearance.

"Dammit. How can you do this? You're a teacher! Just a teacher! I can easily have your license removed now you bastard!" Skip replied

"So now I'm a teacher huh?" Onizuka said slightly more serious, a fresh lit cigarette hanging loosely from the side of his mouth. He puffed twice before continuing. "So what was all that talk from before hmm? I've seen your kind a hundred times before, I get no respect from you, but when your safety's on the line, you start to fall on that old excuse. Why should I help you you little coward?"

"Because I'll…" he hesitated. "I'll give you the pictures, like nothing ever happened. I'm sorry alright? Please get me down?" Skip asked, pleadingly, all the fight drained out of him.

"Get outta here asshole!" yelled Silder, sneaking up on Onizuka during the last argument. He didn't even manage to land a hit on Onizuka before he was promptly countered and thrown off the pier and into the ocean.

"Don't interrupt." Was all he said.

"Get me off dammit, he'll be back!"

"Fine, for a grown kid you can be a whiny little thing. And he came down the ladder. Just as he landed, the remainder of Silder's gang circled him.

"The hell you think your doing?" one asked.

Onizuka took one more puff from his cigarette, before donning a bandanna, and assuming a fighting stance. "A teacher looks out for all his students!" he yelled, delivering a powerful punch to one. "No matter how much they don't deserve it!" Skip flinched. "A teacher will always show his students the right path in life, and in all education!" Onizuka continued. Two grabbed him by his arms while a giant of a man strode up to him. "You little punk! You think you're tough! You think you're a tough guy?" Onizuka shifted his weight and threw one of his captors loose and delivered a bone-jarring punch to the other. The giant snarled and swung his massive fists.

"SHORYUKEN!" Onizuka cried, giving the man a massive uppercut. "No, I'm a teacher. A friggin teacher. I've been saying that this whole time. I mean weren't you even listening? _(How stupid can you get?)_" he turned to Skip, who was still dangling from the cable, refusing to look at Onizuka. "Well then?"

"Well what?" Onizuka asked.

"Are you gonna get me down before I die of pneumonia?"

"No."  
Skip turned to him, shocked. "What?! Why?! Dammit I apologized, you want me to say it again? I'm sorry! I'm sorry for being such an asshole, I'm sorry about back flushing you out of the toilet stall this afternoon, I'm sorry for blackmailing you, I'm sorry for all that okay?" he pleaded, tears slowly streaming down his face. "You wanted to see me beaten up? Here ya go! Just please get me down."

"No."

"Why?! I was serious! WHY WON"T YOU LET ME DOWN?!" Skip faced Onizuka now, terrified, defeated, and outraged all at once.

"Cause I dunno how to work a crane." Onizuka replied, scratching his head. "I'm not getting you down, Edd over there is. Edd?"

"I got it Mr. Onizuka sir." Edd replied from the crane's operating station. He was dressed to look exactly like one of the bikers, so he fit right in, albeit a bit shorter than the others. Skip stared slack-jawed, switching between Edd and Onizuka. Then he did something he hadn't done for years. He laughed. Despite being tied to a cable, drenched in seaweed and saltwater, and beaten within an inch of his life, he laughed.

……

"_(So that's it really. I've been wanting that money to make all these problems go away.)"_

_"(Is that so?)"_

Skip was covered in Onizuka's spare jacket, but was still shivering. All Edd could do was stare in confusion as the two drolled on in Japanese.

"_(Yeah. Gung Gung was in really bad shape whenever I saw him, and though I don't really know him, I know he doesn't deserve what he's going through. It's strange isn't it? He so believed in Karmic retribution but all it did was spit him in the face. All his life he's been tortured by my grandmother, and to the point where you work double jobs as a senior librarian and fry cook, jut to support the tuition of an ungrateful son. Then he up and gets an ulcer, it grows into colon cancer, and now he can't even use the bathroom, and has to have a tube suck the crap straight out of his intestines.)_" Skip's eyes moistened slightly, but he disguised it, cursing the salty air burning his eyes.

Onizuka said nothing, and got up. "_(Selfish. Just tell them already and be done with it.)"_

_"(What?)"_

_"(It won't change much, but it'll at least get them to thinking. If they know you understand them , it should put something on their minds other than all that stupid arguing. Maybe give your grandfather some peace. At this point, I can tell he needs rest, and he ain't gonna get it if his relatives are bickering over him at the top of their lungs.)"_

_"(But…they get scary when they're mad. Especially when they're mad at me.)"_

_"(They'll always get mad at you for something. Just as they will be proud of you for others. But if you really want to help you grandfather, you're just gonna have to swallow your pride, and so on and so on. I'm not good with these long pep talks.)"_ Onizuka finished the last bit with a shrug, and lit another cigarette. Skip looked at him for a moment then shook his head.

_"(Dumbass…)"_

_"(What was that?)"_

_"(Just thanking you in Chinese.)"_

_"(Why Chinese?)"_

_"(Uh…just because.) _Don't you think we should be leaving now? It's getting late, and even my parents will be home soon."

"Probably. It is like midnight now."

"And before I forget." Skip reached into his pocket and pulled out a memory stick. "Here ya go."

Onizuka smiled. "Just erase it. I'll trust ya to do that. Instead of wasting a crapload of money by giving that to me. Just use it to save your report you owe me next week okay?"

Skip was surprised. Not the answer he was expecting. He shrugged and put the memory stick back in his pocket. "As you say…Mr. Onizuka.", he replied with a smile.

The three walked off the pier and back to Onizuka's bike. "You know I just realized, I dunno where you live." Onizuka said.


	4. Lesson 4

**Gah I'm not too sure about this one. Feels a bit off, like it mirrors the original too closely. And the plot is too cheesy. But this is the best I got so far. Hopefully I can get it to go somewhere deeper.**

Lesson 4 A Rotten Student Ed

"Mr. Tubifor! Get down from there this instant!" Mr. McKenzie yelled.

Johnny had done what he always did during lunch period. He climbed trees. And he got his massive head caught in one of the branches, which seemed to happen 3 out of 4 times.

"I can't sir! I'm stuck."

"Don't give me that Tubifor! You always got out of it before."

"But that was because the janitor helped me."

Right around this time, Onizuka had found his way over, a "Krispy Krud" chocolate bar hanging from his mouth like a cigarette. "Hey what's going on here?"

"Nothing you need concerning yourself Mr. Onizuka, just some discipline."

Onizuka looked up. "Looks to me like that kid got himself stuck."

"He's not, just trying to get attention as usual" McKenzie waved dismissively. "No need to trouble yourself Mr. Onizu- MR. ONIZUKA, COME DOWN HERE THIS INSTANT! YOU'RE DRAWING A CROWD!" McKenzie screeched. Onizuka was up in the tree crawling over to Johnny like a caterpillar.

"You're drawing the crowd with all that yelling." Onizuka replied, digging a pinky into one of his ears. He crept over, and with a sharp tug, ripped the branch off, slowly letting Johnny down. The crowd cheered, not so much that Johnny was safe, but that it was resolved in a way besides the usual method teachers used: yelling.

While the students were happy, McKenzie was riled, angered that his authority was compromised. But he kept his anger to himself, causing a scene here would only invite more unwanted trouble. However, if looks could kill, Onizuka would have died several times over.

……

The Eds were in there usual spot during the lunch period, Eddy trying to scam a few extra quarter for and extra dessert, and Ed happily staring at the hole his biohazard of a meal burned in the floor.

"Hey Eddy what're we gonna do today?" Ed asked

"Same thing we do every day Ed. TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD! Wait no-I mean…ah forget it. I dunno and to be honest, I really don't care right now. That Onizuka has overstayed his welcome here, and I gotta figure a way to get rid of him."

"And I will sit here and drink my tea." Ed replied happily, picking his ear, sculpting the earwax into the 'Venus de Milo'.

"Y'know I think that Skip kid had something going there for a while. Wonder why he doesn't try something new?"

"I don't feel like it." Skip said, appearing as if by magic behind the two Eds.

Eddy jumped. "Whaddya mean you don't feel like it? You mean that last gig you pulled was some kinda spur-of-the-moment thing?"

"No, I just lost interest." Skip said nonchalantly and made to leave. Right at the exit, he turned and looked at the two Eds. "Say aren't there usually three of you?"  
"Oh yeah no that you mention it, where's Edd?" Eddy asked Ed, regretting it almost a moment later.

"DOUBLE D IS MISSING?!" Ed exclaimed.

"You just realized that?"

"WE MUST FIND HIM BEFORE HE IS MESSILY DEVOURED BY THE STANK BEASTS!" and Ed grabbed Eddy by the collar and ran out the cafeteria, Skip stayed behind and smiled. "I think I have a good idea where he is." He said to himself and started off for the girl's locker rooms.

……

"Why am I coming along now?" Edd asked.

"Cause I wanna get some good pictures." Onizuka smiled evilly. Holding up a camera, sweating profusely.

"But these girls are sixteen that's kinda…sick."Edd hissed through his teeth.

"Well in my country, sixteen is the ripe young age. It's sick if their twelve. Besides I'm after the older ones with larger assets." Onizuka smirked, his fingers groping the air in front of his chest.

"And that country would be what?"

Onizuka gave no sign of listening and jumped over the bushes and slid into the girls' locker room, wearing a ninja costume. A real ninja, not the orange leotard ninja.

"Again, why am I here?" Edd said to no one in particular.

Onizuka had snuck into the locker room for less than a minute when there was a chorus of screams, and the sound of heavy objects being thrown. Onizuka came running out of the locker room, his suit torn in various places, a pair of underpants strapped on top of his head, tripping over himself and skidding to a stop at Skip's feet. Skip clenched the bridge of his nose. "_This is the guy who saved me?_"

"_Hey, a guy gets lonely!_"

"_Then get a date._" He retorted, before turning to Edd. "I think you friends are looking for you. Last I saw, they were heading for the bleachers."

Edd looked surprised for just a moment before recovering. "Oh my, Ed gets awfully dangerous when he thinks one of us is lost." And he hurried off.

"And be careful." Skip added. "Kevin's in a real bad mood today."

"Wonder why." Onizuka asked, still lying on the floor, the pink underpants shaking slightly loose.

"You pulled him from practice for flunking the pop quiz. Remember?" Skip replied, taking the camera away, much to Onizuka's protest.

"Hey! That's mine, well actually its McKenzie's but it's still expensive!" Onizuka yelled.

"You give me those underpants first!"

"Never, you just wanna keep em for yourself!" Onizuka yelled back, pulling them even further down his head.  
"What?!" Skip yelled, turning red. "What kinda place you come from anyway?!"

"None of your business!"

"Gimmie those pants!"  
"No!"

……

Kevin was in a real sore mood. Onizuka had the gall not only to give a pop-quiz, but also flunk him and then hold him after class. Didn't that idiot realize the team needed him? Apparently not. The team had a big game while he was stuck in the classroom, reciting historical names Kevin could barely pronounce correctly. The team lost badly and Kevin was blamed for it, much to his chagrin. Only he and Rolf remained on the bleachers. "I'm telling ya, that Onizuka's getting to be a serious pain." He grumbled.

"I am sure that the new teacher is becoming a malady Kevin." Rolf replied, more focused on an abnormally long strand of hair dangling from his scalp.

"You know normally I'd not get involved with the dorks, but I think eddy's on to something. This one's gotta go, he's holding me down. I mean, why can't he just give me a C like all the other teachers, they actually know the team needs me if we even wanna stand a chance at winning at, pretty much every game. I'm the star player, without me, the team's nothing."

"Which team?"

"Uh…football? Duh? Are you even paying attention?"

Rolf looked up from his hair. "Attention, I though currency here was called dollars."

"Ugh…never mind." Kevin got up and left, leaving Rolf to pick at the hair.

……

Maro and Sienko Case were fraternal twins, the sister being born a day later than the brother. Maybe it was this reason they stayed so close to each other, maybe something else, but regardless, they were all they had. They stayed with themselves, blending in with the crowd so no one would notice them, which made it perfect for them to play their many pranks. Maro, the brother stood at six foot wearing his usual black vest, with chain-lined, urban combat camo pants. The two seemed to match each other very well, in stark contrast to his bone white shoes, but he didn't mind. He blew a stray strand of his jet black hair out of his face. "It seems Onizuka is making a real name for himself. Already, he's marred our star athlete's…average record."

"Why should we care?" Sienko replied, looking up briefly form her cell phone, a small yellow star dangling in front of its camera. It was hard to see her face with it covered by the shadow of the bleachers, but her neon green bandanna still shone from the gloom. She peered over to her brother over her small sunglasses. The jacket she always favored lay beneath her to keep the grass and dirt from staining her white shorts, leaving her only with her pitch black tank top. From a glance, one could never tell the two were actually siblings. "We know nothing about the guy, other than that he obviously bleaches his hair, and that Skip tried something on him and failed miserably."

"At least keep note of it. Si." Maro replied, stretching himself out, chewing on a toothpick. "He's fresh game. Something juicy oughta pop up."

Right at this points the Eds showed up right above them. True pranksters and scammers, Maro thought admirably.

"Double D! You are found! Rejoice!" shouted Ed.

"I was never lost Ed! Now please put me down before you snap my spine." Replied Edd, his face turning an interesting shade of blue.

Eddy was next to speak. "Well where the heck we're ya Sockhead?"

"With Onizuka…getting pictures…"

"What kinda pictures?"  
"Indecent kinds." Edd stammered. "But he wasn't going for the underage girls! Honest!"

"Ugh, that Onizuka's one sick weirdo."

"He was raised in a different culture! You can't expect all of them to match ours!"

"So you're saying what he did is okay?"

"What?! I-no! I mean-er…I uh…"Edd was beet red, and at a loss for words, eventually just locking up. Ed poked Edd.

"I think you broke his brain Eddy."

"Ah great, that's a lunch period wasted. Come on Ed, and be sure to take Sockhead with ya."

Ed saluted and trundled after Eddy, a dumbstruck Edd slung over his shoulders.

Maro turned back to his sister. "Okay maybe you shouldn't have heard that."

"Why not?" Sienko grinned devilishly. "Onizuka has a sweet tooth for forbidden fruit. I think I'll play with him for a while." She got up and stretched before putting her white jacket back on. "Looks like school's gonna be fun again."

……

"And that, is how, with the help of Chinese allies, Silla ended the Three Kingdoms period of Korea. Quiz tomorrow on all three chapters! Study hard and succeed!" Onizuka yelled enthusiastically. The response was a wave of groans, Onizuka may have been fun as a home period teacher, but he was brutal with his history class. Everyone slowly filed out, except for Skip, who suddenly woke up when Onizuka slammed his chalk down, and Sienko, who made a beeline for Onizuka's desk.

"Oh Mr. Onizuka.", Sienko began in a honeyed voice. "I didn't really understand the lecture. Could you help me?"

Onizuka looked up at Sienko, eyed her for a moment, and then went back to dozing off at his desk. "That's why you have a textbook. You can read that."

Sienko, unfazed, climbed on to Onizuka's desk, 'accidently letting her sleeve droop down her arm. Skip, who was still in the back of the classroom, raised an eyebrow.

"Could I please get a private study session?" Sienko asked seductively, "I'm sure we'd both enjoy it a lot."

Onizuka recoiled in his seat. _Crap!_ He thought. _My sexiness is too much! I knew this would happen! _ He gripped his head, his lips curled up for some reason in horror. _I'll be branded a pervert and forced to run again! Agh! Why must the road to being the ultimate teacher be so hard?!_

Sienko, seeing her tactics having not the desired effect, edged closer, her hands slightly holding onto Onizuka's shoulders. "Teacher you're so tense. Let me relieve you."

Onizuka slapped her hands away. "Yeesh get away from me! I'm not into that! (_Even I have standards)_" he huffed.

_Though they aren't too high_ Skip thought.

"What?! This wasn't right! You were taking snapshots of girls like me! Why aren't you accepting the fact that you want me?!" pouted Sienko, like a child denied candy.

"Where'd you hear that? I will deny it up and down!"  
Sienko grinned again devilishly. "Well who would believe you anyway? A teacher, with no past record, or an innocent student? Let's face it, I hold all the cards, and all I gotta say is that you groped me and I can have you deported to whatever stink hole you came from." Sienko was only an inch away from Onizuka, hands gripping his face like she would forcefully kiss him.

"Yeesh, and you could use that time trying to seduce me to study." Onizuka said, his face still scrunched between her hands.

"Who needs study when you got blackmail. My parents are the heads of the PTA board. I just need to turn on the waterworks and I can have whoever I want blacklisted. All I ask is a simple 'A' in your class. And that you lick my toes clean."

"Well you can get an A if you stu-wait what?"  
"Lick my toes you foreign bastard."

"I'm having déjà-vu now." Onizuka said to himself. "And you have a serious problem. My cure is discipline." And he grabbed Sienko by the back of her pants and pulled her away. "Hey, put me down asshole! You can't do this to a student!"

"You're my student now? But class is over. Now you're just a brat in need of a good spanking."

"You. Wouldn't. Dare." Sienko growled.

"I guess there's nothing else for it." Onizuka said resolutely. He hoisted Sienko still struggling, over his lap, and raised his hand. "This is gonna hurt me a lot more than it'll hurt-ah who am I kidding?" and spanked her rump hard.

Skip, who was silently watching the entire event stared dumbfounded, blushing slightly. "…whoa." A slight red trickle came out of his left nostril.

Onizuka wasn't finished with just one. He spanked her again, and again, until tears welled in Sienko's eyes, and Onizuka was slightly blushing as well, a small grin on his face. Edd had then chosen that time to come back into the classroom. "I'm sorry Mr. Onizuka, for interrupting your spanking session, but I forgot my notebook here and"- he stopped as he realized what he just said sounded wrong. He gaped at the scene in front of him. "Oh my…"

Onizuka then turned Sienko right-side up, letting her go. "Now let that be a lesson to you. Go to your room and think about this."

Sienko was crimson, the humiliation not only by Onizuka, but was actually witness by another student. "You'll pay for this you bastard!" she screeched and ran out, pushing Edd down.

"Mr. Onizuka, I realize that the Case sibling are troublesome students, but was that really necessary? You can easily get fired for something like that."

Onizuka shrugged. "Well I was just doing what her parents shoulda done. Besides, I doubt anyone here will remember this by tomorrow." He waved dismissively lighting a cigarette.

"And the smoking? Can't you save that till your outside?"

"Oh yeah." Onizuka sighed, hoisted himself up from his chair and made for the door. Edd shook his head, grabbed his notebook and followed after Onizuka, afraid he might do something rash again.

Skip on the other hand stayed. Once everyone left he clapped his hands. "What a show. _(Now I _know _Onizuka's crazy!)_"


End file.
